how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
