It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
worst night to have a conscience
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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