Swine flu is the new snow day.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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