u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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