i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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