So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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