Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize