You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
