I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
