Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
