im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
