My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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