So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
