Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize