I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
