Apparently you make a good broom.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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