You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
