I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
