your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
