lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
