THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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