Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
