Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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