it's not cheating when I paid for it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
