Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
