We got so high we made milksteak
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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