When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
