I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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