u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
