dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
