you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
