i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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