Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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