fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
