She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You ate ashes out of my bong
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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