biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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