Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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