Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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