how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
