so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize