I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
