I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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