dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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