Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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