Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
