D3 body, D1 cock
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
