I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
