i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
