he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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