I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
