Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
