Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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