mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
