Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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