does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize