I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Alive.
So much puke
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
