His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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