This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
did i walk over a car last night?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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