also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
