And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
