Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
