I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
