Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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