Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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