Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
