"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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